I made a run to the neighborhood sex shop to buy some new toys. I ended up with a a bag full of items, which beeped on the way out. I went back the the counter, and he re-swiped everything. I was good. Next, I went to the library, sex toy bag in hand, to pick up the items I had on hold. Apparently there were like, 30 books. I had no idea! So I chose 6 that I could shove in the bag, and did the self check-out. A lady who was just skin and bones came up to me and complimented my green dress. I thanked her, and she said it was really elegant. I said, “Yeah, it’s really bright, which I like.” She replied, “It’s classy. Just like me. I’m a real classy lady.” She introduced herself as Laura Ingalls Wilder. I said, “Oh, hi! I’m ____.”
"No, you don’t understand. I am the Laura Ingalls Wilder. Reincarnated.”
She said she’d show me around the neighborhood, ebcause “it’s always good to have a best girlfriend.”
I walked out the door, and my bag beeped. Again.
I went back to the circ desk, and the librarian checked all my books. They had all been checked out properly.
"Do you have anything else in your bag? Like, from before?"
"Ummm…. Well, I have…. A lot of metal…. From a previous purchase…" Was I going to have to show him my bag full of sex toys?
"Oh, okay. Well you’re good to go."
"So if it beeps again I can just keep walking?"
So I walked out, and of course it beeped again. A guy also on his way out called out to me, “Hey, you just beeped!”
As I was walking away, I replied, “I know…. It’s my…. Metal.”
He looked at me incredulously, and I just kept walking.
Moral of the story: Go pick up your books at the library before you go to the sex shop.